Growth

How people-pleasing stifles your inner voice, individuality, and makes you miserable.

01.06.24

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4 min.

by

Francesca Wilder

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The need to please and be well-liked!

I used to be a massive people pleaser (still in recovery mode). I would squelch my inner voice to go along with the crowd. I wanted people to like me, and I wanted to fit in. and I wanted to…. you get the picture. I don’t know if this mindset came from my Christian upbringing where you needed to be always open to being of service and wanting to be seen as “a good person” or “holy” whatever that means. But it seemed to be ingrained in me. I was so afraid to go against the grain for fear of being disliked that I wouldn’t speak up about obvious grievances.

I didn’t know how to assert my boundaries, and when I got tired of people trying to overstep my boundaries, I would get angry. When all along, I could have asserted my boundaries up front the first time. I rarely said no to family and friends, and I ended up having to put the things I needed to do on the back burner to accommodate other people. Ultimately, I was codependent on other people’s opinions, and if that opinion was not the best, it ate me up inside. I WAS EXHAUSTED and MISERABLE. I may have exuded bubbliness and happiness, but deep inside, I was not. I literally felt like I had to cultivated everyone’s opinions of me. Which is IMPOSSIBLE!


How I began to start living life as my true self!

I think exhaustion did it for me! And I think I was exhausting my therapist too haha. Being exhausted, tired, and knowing you can be and do better has this funny way of lighting a fire under your butt to insight change. She ended up giving me an assignment to read the acclaimed “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson a great read, in my opinion. I know I needed to make some changes within myself, and that started with the way I was thinking. It is imperative, according to psychological professionals, to be mindful about the way you are thinking. For instance,

  • Do you have any self-limiting beliefs?

  • Do you have a negative cycle of thinking about yourself?

  • Would you treat a beloved family member or friend the way you treat yourself or think about yourself?

  • Are you treating yourself with grace and kindness, knowing that you are a human being that makes mistakes, but you can move forward and grow and learn from said mistakes?

  • Are you possibly struggling with anxiety? (which I was!)

In Conclusion: A Commitment to Impactful Creation

As we navigate the complexities and opportunities of the digital age, our mission remains unwavering: to create not just with skill, but with soul; not just to communicate, but to connect. We are custodians of our clients' dreams, collaborators in their journey, and champions of their impact. Through our work, we seek not only to leave a mark on the market but to imprint on the very fabric of society, crafting experiences that resonate, inspire, and endure.

Welcome to In-House, where every pixel, every word, and every interaction is a step towards building a more connected, inspired world.


Everything starts in your mind. You CAN change your mind and how you think!

Check out the rest of this article on Medium and share your thoughts.

The need to please and be well-liked!

I used to be a massive people pleaser (still in recovery mode). I would squelch my inner voice to go along with the crowd. I wanted people to like me, and I wanted to fit in. and I wanted to…. you get the picture. I don’t know if this mindset came from my Christian upbringing where you needed to be always open to being of service and wanting to be seen as “a good person” or “holy” whatever that means. But it seemed to be ingrained in me. I was so afraid to go against the grain for fear of being disliked that I wouldn’t speak up about obvious grievances.

I didn’t know how to assert my boundaries, and when I got tired of people trying to overstep my boundaries, I would get angry. When all along, I could have asserted my boundaries up front the first time. I rarely said no to family and friends, and I ended up having to put the things I needed to do on the back burner to accommodate other people. Ultimately, I was codependent on other people’s opinions, and if that opinion was not the best, it ate me up inside. I WAS EXHAUSTED and MISERABLE. I may have exuded bubbliness and happiness, but deep inside, I was not. I literally felt like I had to cultivated everyone’s opinions of me. Which is IMPOSSIBLE!


How I began to start living life as my true self!

I think exhaustion did it for me! And I think I was exhausting my therapist too haha. Being exhausted, tired, and knowing you can be and do better has this funny way of lighting a fire under your butt to insight change. She ended up giving me an assignment to read the acclaimed “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson a great read, in my opinion. I know I needed to make some changes within myself, and that started with the way I was thinking. It is imperative, according to psychological professionals, to be mindful about the way you are thinking. For instance,

  • Do you have any self-limiting beliefs?

  • Do you have a negative cycle of thinking about yourself?

  • Would you treat a beloved family member or friend the way you treat yourself or think about yourself?

  • Are you treating yourself with grace and kindness, knowing that you are a human being that makes mistakes, but you can move forward and grow and learn from said mistakes?

  • Are you possibly struggling with anxiety? (which I was!)

In Conclusion: A Commitment to Impactful Creation

As we navigate the complexities and opportunities of the digital age, our mission remains unwavering: to create not just with skill, but with soul; not just to communicate, but to connect. We are custodians of our clients' dreams, collaborators in their journey, and champions of their impact. Through our work, we seek not only to leave a mark on the market but to imprint on the very fabric of society, crafting experiences that resonate, inspire, and endure.

Welcome to In-House, where every pixel, every word, and every interaction is a step towards building a more connected, inspired world.


Everything starts in your mind. You CAN change your mind and how you think!

Check out the rest of this article on Medium and share your thoughts.

The need to please and be well-liked!

I used to be a massive people pleaser (still in recovery mode). I would squelch my inner voice to go along with the crowd. I wanted people to like me, and I wanted to fit in. and I wanted to…. you get the picture. I don’t know if this mindset came from my Christian upbringing where you needed to be always open to being of service and wanting to be seen as “a good person” or “holy” whatever that means. But it seemed to be ingrained in me. I was so afraid to go against the grain for fear of being disliked that I wouldn’t speak up about obvious grievances.

I didn’t know how to assert my boundaries, and when I got tired of people trying to overstep my boundaries, I would get angry. When all along, I could have asserted my boundaries up front the first time. I rarely said no to family and friends, and I ended up having to put the things I needed to do on the back burner to accommodate other people. Ultimately, I was codependent on other people’s opinions, and if that opinion was not the best, it ate me up inside. I WAS EXHAUSTED and MISERABLE. I may have exuded bubbliness and happiness, but deep inside, I was not. I literally felt like I had to cultivated everyone’s opinions of me. Which is IMPOSSIBLE!


How I began to start living life as my true self!

I think exhaustion did it for me! And I think I was exhausting my therapist too haha. Being exhausted, tired, and knowing you can be and do better has this funny way of lighting a fire under your butt to insight change. She ended up giving me an assignment to read the acclaimed “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” by Mark Manson a great read, in my opinion. I know I needed to make some changes within myself, and that started with the way I was thinking. It is imperative, according to psychological professionals, to be mindful about the way you are thinking. For instance,

  • Do you have any self-limiting beliefs?

  • Do you have a negative cycle of thinking about yourself?

  • Would you treat a beloved family member or friend the way you treat yourself or think about yourself?

  • Are you treating yourself with grace and kindness, knowing that you are a human being that makes mistakes, but you can move forward and grow and learn from said mistakes?

  • Are you possibly struggling with anxiety? (which I was!)

In Conclusion: A Commitment to Impactful Creation

As we navigate the complexities and opportunities of the digital age, our mission remains unwavering: to create not just with skill, but with soul; not just to communicate, but to connect. We are custodians of our clients' dreams, collaborators in their journey, and champions of their impact. Through our work, we seek not only to leave a mark on the market but to imprint on the very fabric of society, crafting experiences that resonate, inspire, and endure.

Welcome to In-House, where every pixel, every word, and every interaction is a step towards building a more connected, inspired world.


Everything starts in your mind. You CAN change your mind and how you think!

Check out the rest of this article on Medium and share your thoughts.

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